Both believe in a "tell it like-it-is" philosophy of matchmaking - you are known not to gild their views. Why does love last?Joann Ward: I think that often people only hear what you hear, and family and friends are often very sensitive when talking to someone who truly loves. Thus, someone who is an outsider may actually be as brutally honest with them professionally and share an opinion about what they can do differently to improve your relationship.
Steve Ward: I appreciate the choice of the mother's words, for "brutal honesty" is the truth of the matter. When one has to try to reach people who are very secure and blocking for whatever reason, sometimes using brute force is the only way to reach them.
Oprah.com: A lot of people wondering, "Are there any good men or women who are left?"
JW: I think that good men and good women are everywhere. Just have the skill set to find, knowing what to look for, find the positive things is that person. I think what is really great is that Steven is young - that is in a very large age range, and has been raised by a young mother who still maintains traditional values. I think the combination of youth in Steven and my experience in life and keep my traditions that makes us a great combination of coaches and matchmakers.
Oprah.com: The book says you find your perfect match, you need to know what you're looking for. So I wonder: What is the difference between showing your most compatible partner and being too demanding?
SW: I think trying to find the most important requirements for any successful and healthy relationship, and this goes beyond the Romantics: communication, respect and trust. These are sort of the principles we try to live and try to teach people to live. I think what happens is that people get caught up in other things that are not as significant or emerging when it comes to a relationship. There are plenty of women, although a very small woman, who said: "I absolutely will not leave a man less than 5'11". "Nine out of 10 women and tell me which is the average height of 5'9 men in the country." My mother's response would be, "Do you mean that if I have an uncle who is a perfect fit in every way - strong, fit, masculine, makes you feel like a woman and this and that - but he is 5 '9 "and was 5'3", you will not date the guy? "We label such a person too demanding. If you do not open your mind to someone who is a couple of inches shorter than you prefer, then that is a real problem. That's part of the challenge of tough love, to be brutally honest.
Oprah.com: Are there cardinal rules of dating?
JW: Keep a positive attitude. That's a number one. For example, "It's a good thing because it is raining outside and we need beautiful flowers in April May. I do not care what it is, just have a negative into something positive when you're dating. When you do, everything just falls into place.
SW: As well as being positive, the following rule of thumb would be to make [the other person] a priority. There are a million things going on in our lives, whether it is a yoga class, some community meeting, the friends you spend time. The two are very busy, and you really need to make the other person a priority in developing the relationship.
JW: Also, do not talk about money, politics or religion right away. These rules are, and if you could just follow them, people could find a relationship.
And do not talk about sex. Not talking about sex on the first date!
SW: Sometimes I will, Mom.
JW: Steven, how can you talk about sex?
SW: I'll tell you why it's important to talk about sex in the first stage of courtship. You know when it's important to talk about sex? Before having sex.
JW: I agree, just not on the third date.
SW: I think my mom is really passionate about getting through what he refers to this particular issue is the fact that most people are not able to communicate effectively and thoroughly as to have a understanding of sleeping together.
JW: You are 100 percent right - you can not lead someone in a relationship when that is not where it goes. If a girl thinks she is on a third date with a guy and she goes to sleep with him, but there is a possibility of developing a relationship and not talk about it first ... well, that's not good.
SW: This is the point we agree. What we are saying is the probability of being able to form a relationship by the end of the third date is not very high. So, if you are looking for a committed relationship, is likely to serve their interests to wait until both are confident that a relationship is achieved after crossing that bridge.
Oprah.com: In your book you talk about how to find love rules also apply to the rules for keeping love. What is the most important skill set that a couple can try?
JW: I think there are a lot of things, but you should keep the relationship alive, fun, interesting and fun. I think it is so important. I have been married for 25 years, and I still feel like a high school kid. When I'm with my husband, I feel like a schoolgirl. We never forget the little things, such as giving each other a note. Not get too comfortable. We must continue working on it and have fun working on it. If you really love what you do for a career, you will be successful and get up every day and be happy to go to work. You have to love what you do to have happiness, and is the same when you're in a relationship.
SW: Mom often sounds like Confucius: "If you love what you do, never be a day in your life."
I am a big fan of Oprah and the work done. My mom and I are trying to embrace the spirit of change and spreading the message for people to wake up to this change, this awareness. I think people in general will become more aware of what is happening in their own society and other societies around the world. We must make it clear in an atmosphere of fear that things will work and start being positive about what comes and get on with it.
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